Sample Psalms
Zirathromethia
It had gotten to the point where it had consumed about 90% of thoughts, so I gave into the curiosity.
Straight out of my kitchen window is a clear view of a mud-ridden bog, where I used to play as a child. And there is a keen
odor that emanates from the bog most intensely in the late afternoon, which is generally the point when I become most
aware and intrigued.
First, let me describe to you the odor. It reminds me of a cross between rancid vegetable compote and cherry droppings,
with a dab of castor oil, just for good measure. Got the picture? Good!
Now, this entire incident happened yesterday afternoon, so luckily it’s still fresh enough in my irregularly shaped head to
describe in impeccable detail. So here goes.
At approximately 4:40, I purposely dropped a hot iron on my foot so to produce an endorphin based state of suspended
ecstatic anxiety, at which point, I tore off my attire and in a screaming fit of logical enthusiasm ran like a castrated banshee
through my screen door, across the grass yard and then took a leap of faith into the odiferous bubbling bog.
And this is the point when things became a bit hazy, but I think I can recount it reasonably poorly. So here goes.
My head got sucked into a vacuum created by the lack of oxygen in the bog’s viscosity. Immediately then, Bog Mites
devoured my genitals and all of my body hair (except for several small patches in my nose and ears). My torso elongated,
my legs melded together and my facial features became even cruder and more non-descriptive.
Essentially, what had occurred was an acquired mutation known by genetic experts as Zirathromethia, a rare, but
fascinatingly hopeless digression of the evolutionary process, by which, very simply, obsessive compulsive and sometimes
slightly delusional individuals, turn into mammoth earth worms.
© Copyright 2003 Wallaby Wadsworth’s Psalms of Madness
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